Author Archives: Andrew McGowan, MFT

Resources on Bullying

California Department of Education
Frequently asked questions about bullying
cde.ca.gov

About Bullying
This is one of the most comprehensive sites on bullying. Learn more about the definition of bullying, cyber bullying, and how to prevent, and respond to, it.
stopbullying.gov

Help your child handle a bully
An article on helping your child handle bullying. Learn to recognize when it is happening— and understand how to respond.
mayoclinic.com

Help prevent cyber bullying
An article about cyber bullying. How to recognize the signs and talk with your children about this form of bullying behavior.
onguardonline.gov

Why Is My Teenager Cutting?

Kids cutting themselves, this was not something we knew about when I was growing up. Now most parents and teenagers are aware of it, and more likely know someone who does it.

Self-injury is a behavior that can occur earlier than age ten, but more often starts in early adolescence. It is usually done in private. Any number of sharp implements can be used to cut, such as razor blades, knives or thumb tacks. Cutting can easily be done on parts of the body that are out of sight and the cuts can be hidden behind loose clothing. As a result, parents are often caught by surprise when they find out their child has been doing it.

Self-injury is not the same as trying to commit suicide. But those who cut may be more at risk for thinking about suicide. Therefore if your child is cutting, it is important to get a risk assessment by a professional who has experience with adolescents. This can be done by a medical doctor, therapist, school counselor, psychiatrist or social worker.

Adolescents who are cutting are often trying to manage, and decrease, intolerable feelings. Many teens report that cutting provides a sense of relief and helps them manage intense negative feelings. Researchers have identified a variety of motivations for cutting, such as relieving anxiety, releasing anger, avoiding unpleasant thoughts and feelings, managing guilt, loneliness and depression.

Therapy is the most common form of treatment for self-injury. A skilled therapist can help adolescents identify alternative coping skills and addresses the underlying issues that are triggering the behavior. Parents can take steps to reduce cutting by securing the sharp implements in the house and increasing the supervision. Finally it can be helpful to talk directly with your child about your concerns and desire for the behavior to stop. It is important to avoid shame, blame, anger or guilt. Let your child know that they can come talk with you if they have urges to cut.

If you would like to read more about self-harm I have provided links below.

What do we know about self-injury?
Cutting and self-injury
Warning signs and treatment

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Free Mental Health Services in Santa Barbara

You may be surprised to learn that there are mental health services in Santa Barbara that are free.

Mental Health Access Team
The Access Team is part of Santa Barbara county’s Division of Alcohol, Drug and Mental Health Services. They offer 24-hour crisis support that is focused primarily on adults. To reach 24-hour support for a mental health emergency: 800-868-1649
countyofsb.org

SAFTY (Safe Alternatives for Treating Youth)
For children (under 21 years-old) who are experiencing a mental health emergency in Santa Barbara county. SAFTY provides crisis intervention for suicide, self-harm, running away, family conflict and much more. Available 24-hours: 888-334-2777
casapacifica.org

School-based Counseling
Family Service Agency provides counseling in 28 elementary schools, as well as some junior and senior high schools.
fsacares.org

Mental Health Family Advocate
The family advocate at the Mental Wellness Center is available to families (without charge) to help them find community resources for their loved ones and to help them navigate the County system. 805-884-8440 ext. 105.
mentalwellnesscenter.org

Grief Counseling
Hospice of Santa Barbara provides counseling, at no charge, for those facing the end of life or grieving the death of a loved one. 805-563-8820
hospiceofsantabarbara.org

More Resources with Free, or Low Cost, Services
Transitions Mental Health Association
Casa Pacifica
Transition House
Domestic Violence Solutions
Noah’s Anchorage Youth Crisis Shelter
Santa Barbara Rape Crisis Center
CALM
PEP – Postpartum Education for Parents

Mental Health Crisis Resources – Santa Barbara County

The following is a list of crisis resources for Santa Barbara county.

The fastest way to get help for a mental health emergency is to call 911, or proceed to the nearest Emergency Room.

Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital
400 West Pueblo St., Santa Barbara, CA 93105. 805-682-7111

Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital
351 South Patterson Ave., Santa Barbara, CA 93111. 805-967-3411

Lompoc Valley Medical Center
1515 East Ocean Ave., Lompoc, CA 93436
805-737-3300

Mental Health Crisis Intervention

Santa Barbara County has several 24-hour mental health crisis services. These crisis teams provide both phone and in-person support.

888-868-1649

Rape and Domestic Violence

For those in immediate danger call 911.

Santa Barbara Rape Crisis Center
24-hour hotline, crisis intervention and support for survivors of sexual assault.
433 East Canon Perdido St., Santa Barbara, CA 93101
24-hour Hotline: 805-564-3696
Main: 805-963-6832
www.sbrapecrisiscenter.org

North County Rape Crisis and Child Protection Center
Crisis hotline for victims of sexual assault.
Lompoc: 805-736-7273
Santa Maria: 805-928-3554

Domestic Violence Solutions
24-Hour Access to emergency shelters and phone support for victims of domestic abuse.
Santa Barbara: 805-964-5245
Lompoc: 805-736-0965
Santa Maria: 805-925-2160
Santa Ynez Valley: 805-686-4390
www.dvsolutions.org/

Alcohol and Drug Dependency

Cottage Residential Center
Inpatient rehabilitation from drug and alcohol dependency in Santa Barbara.
316 W. Montecito St., Santa Barbara, CA 93101
805-569-7422
Cottage Residential Center

Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital
Intensive outpatient chemical dependency program in Santa Barbara.
Call 805-569-8339 to schedule an assessment or obtain more information.
Cottage Hospital

HIV / Aids

Santa Barbara county has locations for anonymous HIV Testing and confidential Hepatitis C Testing. Testing is free of charge and available to anyone over the age of 12 years.

Pacific Pride Foundation
Santa Barbara
126 E. Haley Street, Suite A-11, Santa Barbara, CA 93101. To make an appointment: 805-963-3636 (ext. 106)

Santa Maria
819 W. Church St., Santa Maria, CA 93458. To make an appointment: 805-349-9947 (ext. 112)
pacificpridefoundation.org

Homeless Resources

Noah’s Anchorage Youth Crisis Shelter
Noah’s provides shelter for youth between the ages of 10 and 17. This 8 bed facility operates 24-hours a day, 365 days a year. Noah’s is for youth dealing with homelessness, running away from home or struggling with difficult personal or family issues. Services are free of charge.
301 W. Figueroa St., Santa Barbara, CA 93101
(805) 963-8775
24 Hotline: 1-866-HELP TEEN
Noah’s Anchorage

Transition House
A crisis shelter for families struggling with homelessness. Transition House provides services to stabilize families, identify goals, initiate education and employment programs and enroll children in schools.
434 E. Ortega St., Santa Barbara, CA 93101
Phone:(805) 730-3848
transitionhouse.com

Casa Esperanza
Open 24-hours a day, 365 days a year. Provides a winter shelter and free daily meals to homeless individuals and families. They also offer a wide variety of other services to the homeless population.
816 Cacique St., Santa Barbara, CA 93103
(805) 884-8481

Child Abuse

If a child is in immediate danger call 911.
To make a child abuse report in Santa Barbara County: 800-367-0166 (Monday – Friday 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.)
To make a child abuse report after hours or weekends, call Sheriff’s Dispatch: 805-683-2724
Child Welfare Services

Elder and Dependent Adult Abuse

Call 911 if there is an immediate danger. To make an elder, or dependent adult, abuse report in Santa Barbara County call Adult Protective Services:
Santa Barbara: 805-681-4550
Santa Maria: 805-346-8303
Lompoc: 805-737-6020

For elder abuse happening in a long-term care facility call the Long-Term Care Ombudsman Crisis line.
24-Hour Crisis Line: 800-231-4024
Local Crisis Line: 805-785-0132
Santa Barbara Sheriff

How to Avoid a Power Struggle With a Two Year-old

Do you have a toddler who is frequently crying, throwing tantrums and engaging in power struggles? If so you are not alone.

There are many reasons that two year-olds engage in power struggles and tantrums. Toddlers are becoming more independent but still have to rely on their parents for practically everything. They want to do things by themselves and then get frustrated when they can’t. As they test limits they are learning what they can get away with, and what they cannot. And toddlers have limited language; when this language fails them they resort to emotional outbursts.

What are parents to do? Children feel most secure when there are clear limits that revolve around health and safety. Although toddlers can scream when they don’t get what they want, they deeply crave structure and rules to keep them safe. Parents must be in charge. But finding the right way to set, and enforce, limits without having power struggles is not an easy thing.

Here are some tips that may help:

1. Be flexible. When setting and enforcing limits don’t become too rigid. Be willing to bend a little. For example, if your toddler does not want to leave the park right away, give her an extra five minutes. Maybe even give two minutes after that.

2. Make sure you can enforce your limit. If you are not certain you can make your child comply, think twice before setting your limit.

Look into the future and envision what you will do if your child refuses. Enforcement may involve picking your child up and putting him in his car seat, despite the tantrum. When you know how to make your child comply, your voice and tone will carry more weight.

3. Pick your battles. There are many things that you cannot let your toddler do for health and safety reasons. But other things may not be worth a fight. Examine why you are setting the limit and remember “less is more”. The less battles, the less your child gets into the habit of having power struggles.

4. Only have a few rules. Two year-olds cannot grasp a long list of rules, so keep it simple and stick to the big ones: Don’t hurt others. Don’t do things that are unsafe. And follow a routine and schedule that keeps you healthy.

5. Listen and explain. When your child resists, listen to what he wants (or does not want). Then repeat this back to him in your own words. Finally explain why you have set your limit. When toddlers feel understood they are a lot more accomodating.

6. Create an environment that decreases power struggles. If toys are scattered everywhere, a child often feels out of control. A neat, organized home, with less toys, can reduce power struggles. Try it…

7. Provide opportunities to be powerful. Are there chores that your toddler can do to help out? Give lots of praise. A two-year old wants to feel important, powerful and useful.

8. Give advance warnings. Tantrums and struggles often happen during transitions. If they are too abrupt they can cause a meltdown. I like to give plenty of warnings that things are about to change. For example: “We are having lunch in ten minutes get ready to finish your puzzle”.

9. Look for root causes. It is helpful to know why your toddler is having a tantrum. Is she hungry, tired, cold or bored? This helps you have more compassion and also lets you solve the problem faster.

I hope these are helpful. Good luck and remember your child will soon outgrow this stage…

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